Over the weekend I was reminded of how it feels to live with severe physical pain after trying to ween myself off my pain medication. I didn’t know how my healing was going after the surgery 3 months ago and it was one way to find out. It turned out to be a bad idea!!!
I was in excruciating pain and nothing would relieve it. It felt as if someone was continually stabbing me in the abdomen. I couldn’t sleep and I was trying to fight against something that was way to powerful to overcome.
It was in the moments of extreme agony that I thought about doing something quite counter intuitive. What if I could embrace the pain? What if I could be with it instead of fighting against it?
I closed my eyes and visualised myself entering the pain. I focused on the areas that were the most severe and breathed deeply into them. I surrendered to the feeling and tried to be present with it without seeing it as the enemy. I didn’t want my pain to be this cruel monster invading my body trying to hurt me.
After a short time the pain started to shift. It didn’t seem to be static anymore. It become a moving sensation and I followed it with acceptance of what it would do or how it would change. It slowly started to ease.
But it was not long afterwards that the pain increased again. Thoughts of resistance arose again but I refused to brand the experience as “bad”. I knew that if I did it would make things worse.
Intuitively I knew that my body is my friend continually trying to serve me. Whatever it’s doing is only for one purpose – to heal me.
It then dawned upon me that this could be a new way of relating to my suffering (physical or emotional pain) from now on. Previousiy I always tried to avoid or fight it but I never really overcame suffering using that way of thinking.
Since Saturday’s ordeal I have decided that I am going to embrace my current and future pain with love, compassion and non judgment. In doing so fear, anxiety and stress loses its power over me.