I had a slight cold last week and spent most of my time resting indoors. My energy levels are still fairly low even though it has been 6 weeks since the last treatment. It seems that it might take a little more time to build my strength than I originally anticipated but that’s ok. The tingling sensations in my finger tips still remain.
The good news is that I’m finally off the Fentanyl patches (morphine derivative medication for pain relief) that I have been wearing on my back for the past 6 months. No longer do I have any pain and I enjoyed a very exciting experience yesterday. I drove my car! I haven’t driven for 6 months as it is illegal to drive wearing the patches. I have regained my independence once again and I feel a great sense of liberation.
During this time I have been dependent on my wonderful family and friends who have gone out of their way to make sure that I never go without. Being Mr Independent I found it very challenging at the start to ask for anything but I have learned that it’s ok to receive and it enables others to feel good when they have the opportunity to give. I am so ever grateful to my family and friends for their incredible generosity and selfless spirit.
My view of life has changed and so too how I interpret and internalize my experiences. What is a good day? For me there have been many during this time. I remember being excited and relieved after surgery when my Oncologist broke the news that the cancer I had was stage 2 Lymphoma and not something a lot worse! It wasn’t a good day, it was a life saving day! I remember the day when I had just enough strength to walk to the kitchen after the first treatment. I felt that I had won a marathon. It was an empowering day. I remember too the feeling of relief when I completed the 6th and final treatment only 6 weeks ago. It was indeed a milestone day.
I can site many of these wonderful days and I look back at them with gratitude but most importantly for their humbling reminders to keep perspective. Most of the things that go wrong in our lives is “small stuff”! Besides ill health, unhappiness and financial ruin everything is small stuff. There are no exceptions. We often tend to make our own misery and allow negative emotions to bring us down.
After the experiences I have been through how possibly can a rainy day be a bad day? How possibly can a traffic jam ruin a good day. How possibly can someone else’s behaviour affect my happiness? They can if I lose perspective of what is really important and don’t let go of things that are not. The ego is a strong force and I remind myself of the choice to be right or happy.
We are human after all and sometimes we have bad days. I think what matters most is that we are not too hard on ourselves and that we acknowledge the way we feel without self judgement or criticism. The turn around comes when we start to find the seed of positive emotion in a challenging day and make that our focus.
What is a good day? It’s one where we choose to see the positive. It’s one where we use our energy for the things that are important and one where we feel lucky for everything we have.